7 Hard Pills Gay Men Need to Swallow

That straight guy is not into you!

This one Redditor said specifically “that barista”, but let’s broaden the category here.

A man held a door for you and you’re already picturing your wedding, honeymoon, future house and kids together with this person. You dummy!

Or that guy who smiled at you in the street. It’s not always a gay stare! Maybe he was just in a good mood. Or an American!

Because, come on now. In modern society, which is increasingly accepting, you’re meeting more and more straight guys who are fully comfortable around you and simply nice for the sake of being nice. No ulterior motive! No secret gay agenda. And face it, no DL account on Grindr either!

Gay rights don’t include being a b*tch

Yes, you have been othered and oppressed by the heteronormative society. But hello, this does not give you a pass for being a misogynist. Just because you’re not attracted to women does not mean they are okay to be touched, kissed or worse – offended by you. And same to other gay men. Don’t be a bully just because you can!

You’re no Regina George. She would have hated you too and called you a slur, so get your act together, little gay boy! You don’t have to love them (in that way), but hating is not okay either. Stop catering to the patriarchal norms that oppressed you in the first place.

Not everything is a trauma response

Yeah, sure. You grew up gay and experienced a lot of trauma because of it. Will it affect your decisions and actions as a grown man? Absolutely. But you can’t use it to justify your sh*t behavior!

Too many gay men are avoidant, manipulative or straight up evil in their romantic and sexual dynamics with others. Communication is sexy. Ghosting someone out of blue is not. And for the one being rejected, move on. Don’t become a psycho. As a gay man, stop using your ‘childhood trauma’ when you’re confronted. This doesn’t give you a pass.

And a sense of responsibility is even sexier. Stop sleeping around and demanding doing it bareback, if you’re not willing to regularly get tested. Don’t lie about being clean if you are not. Stop putting yourself or others in life threatening situations. 

It might be a hard pill to swallow, but a fabulous gay life can be lived safely and responsibly.

He doesn’t want a relationship

Yes. If a man is into you, you don’t have to guess it. It’ll be obvious. And if someone has been open about their preferences from the start, don’t think you can magically change them. No a*s or d*ck is good enough to make someone commit that never wanted to do it in the first place.

Don’t listen to those TikTokkers that say it’s time to “turn your delulu into trululu”. There’s no time for manifestation here. Don’t waste your energy, beauty and potential waiting on someone that’s not even worth you. Someone else will come along who will love you without making you guess. Yes, even in the gay world.

You don’t have to be open

Because you don’t. There is all that pressure from the gay community that presents open relationships as the only correct and successful form of a partnership. But if that isn’t what you truly want deep within you, don’t settle for it and better find someone that’s on the same page.

And the same applies to the opposite. You don’t have to stay monogamous if it’s not what you personally want or believe in. Don’t go against your personal values. Speak your truth, right? Wasn’t that the entire point of being gay in the first place!

Sex isn’t everything

Because the over-sexualisation of the gay community is simply outdated and needs to die. When you start your sex life later than your straight peers, it might seem like there’s a lot of catching up to do. But hold your horses.

It’s okay if your sex drive is not through the roof all the time. It’s also okay to go on a date that doesn’t end with hooking up. It’s okay to not wanna use dating apps, even.

And all this categorizing we’ve been encouraging! Twinks, bears, otters. Abs, pecs or dad bods? Hairy or shaven? Your personality does not come from some made up label deeply rooted in fetishization. Most of us like a beautiful natural human form that doesn’t look like you can put some shallow label on it.

‘Mean Girls’ is not peak cinema

And so isn’t most of gay culture.

Wake up. Look at the music charts. It’s occupied by straight male rappers, singer-songwriters and rock bands. You might think that new album Katy Perry is putting out soon will stop the world and cause an apocalypse, but it probably won’t. At least not outside your local gay bar.

That said, our taste is still superior to the heteros. The rest of the world is just.. tasteless.

What other truths do gay men need to hear? Let us know and leave your comment below the post.